Things have changed now. I am crunched for time and the purse strings have tightened. Also, times have changed further. With Facebook dominating the social network area, I feel that my thirst to publish stuff can be quenched using Facebook.

So it is time to bid adieu to this site. It will remain online till July 1st 2012 as I have already paid for it till then. Thanks for following me

The media and the government was merely interested in finding if it was a breach of security or failure of intelligence; rather than bringing in rules to avoid future attacks. Ajmal Kasab, the lone terrorist captured by the police is still alive and enjoying the security provided from our tax money. Some people still argue if hanging Kasab will bring justice to people who lost their lives in the attack or eradicate terrorism. No. Killing one person doesn’t bring justice and definitely doesn’t terminate terrorism from our soil. But for sure it brings immense satisfaction to some extent for people to see that cursed life finally end. I am sure even you are one of those who believe in feeling good in taking an eye for an eye. If you are, then the rest of my writings will surely be interesting to you.

I am one such Indian who feels that we have had enough of it. I do not have the financial might, political power or legal brain to bring about a change. But neither do I like to just start cursing and then tossing the news paper away forgetting it. I want to use my writing in spreading awareness among the common men. I’ll be publishing my views every week or if time permits, more frequently.

As you have been noticing, there were not much activities going on this site. Partly this was due to laziness, busy work schedule or simply nothing much to write. More recently, much of my time was spent in marriage preparation (and of course, speaking to her for hours!). Now that I got married and turned to a new chapter in my life, I feel it makes sense in refurbishing the site, adding new content and get back to updating the site frequently.

With the new changes, it is prudent to bring in a new look and feel. The site will be in maintenance till July 1st, 2011.

So our master plan was for me to return from office at around 5:00 and stand in queue. Dad will back me up at around 7:30 and I’ll leave for home to retire for the day. But the plans were changed the last moment and I was asked to come home directly. Dad was unable to sleep the whole night. So got ready and left at 4:30 AM. By the time he reached, he could see a long queue. Someone started writing down the names and gave each person a number. Dad received #73. Four hours before the scheduled time and still getting way out of the stipulated number!!! By the time I reached home, I got this news. So change in plans, after refreshing myself, I was supposed to join dad at around 5:30 and relieve him. At around 7:30 he’ll return to relieve me.

I joined the queue at around 5:30. Still dark, cold and foggy. The person who wrote the numbers started making us sit on the ground. Some sat, some stood other slept. Being humans, the first priority was to acquaint ourselves with the person in front and behind. At first all was quiet. Then someone cracked a joke about the queue and there were bursts of laughter here and there. Soon, some stood up, line became circles and groups. The core matter with most groups were about the possibility of getting more than 60 forms. People began to debate if there are only 60 why are others standing and why are they allotting numbers to more than 60. Some tense, while other jovial. The first persons to reach there, I heard, was standing as early as 2:00 AM! I was wondering with a person behind me that we, being in 70s we were like, “had we come a little early, we’d be somewhere in 60s”. What would be in the mind of the person who is #61 All through, he’d have been cursing and praying.

With sunshine kissing our face, we could look in to face of more and more people. Some very tense, some with care-a-damn looks while some in a world of their own discussing about prices and others. By the time it was 7, the discussions reduced and whatever people were speaking was about whether or not we’ll get a form. A friend of mine had recognized me and came to me. He came at around 5:30 and was #106. With a company of someone you know, time was passing by.

The feelings, even after trying hard to protect, was evident in many faces. My state of mind during my Stock Market days were reminded to me. There were only two emotions in every mind – Fear and Greed. Fear of not getting the application form and greed in getting the forms come what may. The group in 60 – 65 were of the opinion that exact 60 is not a must, there might be a possibility of getting more. We, in the 70s, were of the opinion that there needs to be a buffer so that even if candidates are disqualified, there will be no shortage. Someone near-by was heard saying that at least 90-100 will be given as there is a chance that all 60 from the reserved sections might not fill up. While Mr. 152 was arguing why won’t school give the forms. Each form, not even a rupee in cost for printing, is going to fetch Rs. 150. It is makes business sense in giving form to all and shortlist the merit students. Makes absolute sense though. I was of the opinion that at least there won’t be such talks in the first 60s. The talks there were of the other way round. People were giving team huddles to recognize and remember the persons around them as there is a chance that people from last might barge in when the gates opened up. Then what about the list we were enrolled? It was the brain of #33 who didn’t want intruders in the queue who came after them so had a pen and paper and made a list. Insider secrets, huh!

At around 8 AM, the gates were opened. The gatekeeper was given the list and he let everyone one by one based on the number. The queue now formed in front of the office that was distributing the application forms. It was still shut. Soon many more people, who were unaware of the demand started pouring in. I believe the number ended somewhere between 180 and 200. Apart from random incidents of one or two persons trying to pretend and get ‘in to’ the line, everything was cool and everyone were civil. Just at around 8:30, dad came to relieve me. I had called up home asking not to send dad as I’ll be taking care. But dad, as he is very stubborn when it comes to welfare of family had still come and asked me to drop Ammu to school and go to sleep. I bid farewell to my newly formed acquaintance and left for home.

I heard in the evening that that last year, there were only 60 forms distributed and people had resorted to stone pelting. So this year, management decided to give forms to everyone and scrutinize kids on merits. Interview, I heard, will be with kids and parents. On top of all these, the school charges Rs. 30000 as donation and monthly fees of around Rs. 1200.

Frankly speaking, I started this post with something in mind but the experience there was worth-while as well, so it started pouring in. The title, here is not irony about the management’s decision or the fees. The irony here is that the huge queue, high fees and all the inconvenience experienced is not for a private corporate school. It is a Government funded school. But this is run by the Central Government. This is one more instance about the issue that I highlighted in my last post. The reason why this school is in demand is not because it charges huge fees but because it gives children what they deserve. Well qualified teachers, huge playground, grand library, project works, well maintained (if not posh) toilets. The result? Minimal or nil drop-outs, highly intelligent students and more practical minds. You may have in mind the thought that only people who afford such high amounts can get in to it. True, but this trend started recently after the Corporate / International schools are in to being. When I was a student (in another school) I heard about this school and I remember that the concept of Government funded school was never understood by me.

I would like to take opportunity to highlight one more instance. Our servant-maid’s daughter, Sravanthi, used to help her mom in our house-hold chores after-school and in holidays. Her parents wanted her to study so my sister-in-law (being a teacher in a private school) started teaching her. At the after-market hours, when I used to come down, I noticed that she had a hard time learning stuffs and my sister-in-law was wondering how to cope up as she was carrying then and it was time for delivery. So I took up the role of teaching her. Since enlightening people was a passion for me, I took this opportunity to transform her. I realized that she was not aware of the basics as the teacher was just going through chapters and giving homeworks (which mainly was copying from text book). So I asked her to bring her third standard book. Crammed in to her the very basics. It was a hard time for me to control my temper! Slowly she started getting better. But as I joined IBM and didn’t have the time to teach, my sister-in-law took over from there. Now I heard that she is one of the best in the class. Responds easily to questions (still a long way to be the best, though).

These instances reinforces my idea that if given a right platform and a good environment, students can excel in their field. Only a slight push is needed to the students and a strong jerk is required for the reformation of our educational system. Well, I’ll have mercy on you and leave you here without boring you further (if at all you’ve read so far…lol). Have a nice time!

Democracy is a political system in which the decision makers of the land are decided by the people. Every political system, including Dictatorial,  has it’s own advantages and disadvantages. However, the Democratic form is most beneficial to the people; simply because, the leader is chosen by consensus. Unfortunately, you, me and a group of people cannot decide who can be the Prime Minister directly. Here comes the first defect in Democracy (at least the form of Democracy present in India). We need to elect a member who represents us in the Parliament and the executive members of the political party who has the highest number of members in the Parliament gets to decide who will be the person who heads the Government of India. The good thing is, I do not have to contact the Prime Minister to lay a new road in my street, just contact the local elected representative.

If I wish to become the Prime Minister of India, I need to be one or more of the following. A descendant of Nehru-Gandhi parivaar, be ultra-rich business magnate with high profile connection, an honest man in a political party for more than 25 years, influential and a media friendly public speaker, a man of influence in either religious or caste based political party or the least, sheer good luck. If I do not meet one of these conditions, I need to be satisfied being a ward member or at most a counselor in the municipality because even to get a ticket as an MP or an M.L.A, you need to have some of the prerequisite qualifications stated above. For example, see what happened to the Lok Satta party. Only the founder, Mr. Jayaprakash Narayan won the lone seat for the party. Others who contested found their names only the the pamphlets lying on the roads.

Let’s assume that I float a new political party because I feel that the current parties are mostly corrupt or immoral or both. I need to have deep – very, very deep pockets to start a party, search for candidates, advertise it among the people, conduct rallies etc. Needless to say, I will want to have the pockets filled back once, if at all, I come to power. In case I don’t have that deep pockets, I’ll try to use my communications / PR skills to good use and try to get sponsors (or Chandha) from different organizations. These organizations will keep conditions or use their clout when needed, once coming in to power for the favor they did. In a few words, you can call Democracy as a breeding ground for Corruption. This is what I used to believe…

…That really was what I used to believe till I read Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi’s autobiography. I used to wonder what the law makers and the founders of the nation had in mind while laying the way for a democratic nation. Although I didn’t read it solely for the purpose of getting these answers, the book started answering my questions (I haven’t completed the book yet). While Gandhiji was in Natal (South Africa),  he had united the Indians in South Africa to form a party. Not a political party, but more of a federation called Natal Indian Congress. He educated them of the purpose of being a single unit and spearheaded this party. For the administration, he enrolled member of the party and collected membership fees. He worked hard selflessly and became their natural leader.

The need of the hour is more such natural leaders. Although such traits are present in many people, they are either not coming forward or not conspicuous. Our nation is a great nation with a lot of birth rights. We, being well educated (assuming people who read my blogs are educated ), do not know much of them. What about the poor and down-trodden people in villages? They don’t even know their fundamental rights. They cast their vote to the people who buys them liquor or make promises. They don’t have a choice. No one cares for them after election. Same is the case with us. Just vote for the heck of it or follow caste or religious sentiments because we know that no one cares about us after election. The reason, there is no natural leader among us.

A natural leader is one whom we follow naturally, because of the good deed they selflessly performed for us. Would you cast a vote for a religious leader who has been the self appointed leader of the community who did nothing for the development or a person who brought the municipal authorities to their knees for stopping sewerage overflowing on roads even when not in power? Shri Krishna had said in Geetopadesha that whenever Adharma takes place, He’ll come to restore peace. Keep in mind that He doesn’t take an avatar every time something goes wrong; the Krishna in us will come forward. The person who comes forward and tries to restore Dharma is a natural leader. But for you to know when an Adharma is taking place, that is, when the rights are being violated, you need to know what it right and what is wrong. Isn’t it?

In the developed nations, middle class people like us send their pupils to public (Government) schools while the only the Über rich or from high society send them to private schools. Here, except a few states like Kerala, Mizoram etc., there is a general feeling that public schools are only for poor of the poorest and people from the low rung society, while private schools are the normal school (of course the elite among us have so called International schools). If I have a kid, I will not enroll him / her in a public school because apart from the (to be frank) feeling of making my kid sit with kids of daily wage workers and my fall in ‘status’ because I enrolled my kid in a poor man’s school, I know very well the current infrastructure and low standards of education provided public schools.

This is one of the many adharmas that happen in front of us but we for ourselves don’t know it is happening. From our hard earned money, we pay taxes to the Government. The schools maintained by it should have necessary infrastructure, best available teachers and highest standards of education (when you pay food in a hotel, do you EVER settle for substandard one?). When it comes to education ( oh yeah, almost forgot to mention, apart from other taxes, the Government collects Education cess on services) we don’t care because our kids are in ‘Private’ schools. Speaking of which, a second Adharma that we fail to notice arises. When directly paying to the school, schools are supposed to provide very good infrastructure including grounds, sports equipment, well furnished libraries, extra training and resources for students inclined to arts and music (over and above well qualified and highly experienced teachers). How many schools offer these? What we settle for is IIT training from 5th standard onwards!

Schools have become poultry farms producing Chicks, Cocks, Ducks and Eggs. Pun intended – in you own way! Our fundamental rights and other benefits of staying in a free nation are not taught properly. What is done is, complete syllabus in hurry, start revisions and mug model papers. In the end, we get a bunch retards who crib about the poor nation, never participating in election, throw stones, burn buses…

I named the title of this post as Aakrosh because these thoughts have been rising my temper and burning me from inside for quite some time. While having a discussion with some friends yesterday, I got to know about things I can do. I cannot change the society but I can change the way I contribute to society. Hence, I have taken a vow. Yep, the first online vow, that as long as I live, I’ll strive to bring a change in the Educational system – especially at Government schools. My dream is to make them so good that parents actually start considering to join their kids in Government schools. But that’s a dream that may or may not be fulfilled in my lifetime. What’s wrong in trying though?

Sir,

This is with reference to the article published on Dec 29th, Mystic Mantra by Swami Tejomayananda. Although the entire article was enlightening, one particular point was much more interesting. We have a a habit of blaming others always. We always say that the Britishers used the Divide and Rule policy. But in fact, it was we who divided our self and let them rule over us. It is my sincere wish that the generations ahead do not continue cribbing that some corrupt politicians divided us regionally and ruled over us. I strongly believe that the job market or any other area of opportunity follows Darwin’s law of Survival of the fittest. The best among the available is given the opportunity. Similarly, if there is no development in an area, we need to blame ourselves for choosing a candidate based on caste / religion etc again and again in spite of showing no performance. After creation of a new state, are the politicians going to banish corruption? Will the contractors lay roads much more honestly? Are all the children going to be born skillful? If demand for skillful people exceeds supply locally, will we still avoid hiring people from other states? These are the questions that need to be answered before we start taking any decisions.

Regards,
Rathish Poovadan

Suddenly, I felt spooky. I remembered that he had been dead for more than 20 years! The next moment I was in my room staring at the wall clock, confused, as it showed 10 AM. I realized that it was a bad dream. But what a dream it was. I also realized that in the past whenever I had dead people in my dreams, I used to shudder and wake up. But no such thing happened; in fact it was a soothing situation. The man whom I saw in the dreams was my Grandpa in his early years – much early than what I saw in photographs. I don’t have much memories of him because I was not even 5 years old when he expired, untimely.

I can remember holding his hands, his dark color (although in photographs he looked fair) and even his smell and his eyes – details which I had no chance of remembering – but represented him somehow, as if he was really with me some moments back. I don’t know his birthday, but for sure it was not his death anniversary today. Still confused, while lying in bed, I was wondering why I had that dream. Do dreams have any meaning? Did they imply any impending danger to my parents or loved ones? No idea.

For the first time in life, I missed him. My mind was spinning with thoughts. I realized that my dad and mom are present as grandparents  for my nieces. I didn’t have any one. Irritation built up around people who drove him to commit suicide. Had he been alive, I’d have learned a lot from him and pay my respects as a grandson. On a second thought, I realized that as long as my Grandma was alive, I never cared to respect her and used to behave indifferently for what she did to us (supported her sons more than her daughters – my mother and aunt – when it came to property). During her ending days or may be after her death I had developed some sympathy towards her.

People do not respect others or understand the value of others on their lives till it is too late. I had a realization – in a millionth of a second that we need to be compassionate towards others as we do not get the opportunity to show our love and respect all through their life. My brother always used to say to forgive people on what they did to you and try to accommodate based on how they are treating you now. I never understood it till this moment. Like I said, the whole thing grasped upon me in a millionth of a second and even pages and pages of my writing will not be able to explain what were the feelings / thoughts that occurred in me.

I don’t know how much this realization will help me shape up my life and how much this topic will influence you. My humble request is to understand the value of a living person, whoever it may be and whatever they did to you in past, behave accordingly on how they are treating you currently. Respect them if they are respecting you now or throw them off the roof if they intend to do the same to you now Discretion advised!

These days my parents have been trying to search a match for me. I had been insisting on telling the girl’s family that I work in night shift, straight forward – may be reading Gandhi’s autobiography had inspired me to always tell truth This of course, is creating problems in getting the right match.

I have had my pride all these time thinking I ‘think’ out of herd. I used to chide people who do engineering and got to the US in herds like cattle fending their food. I took pride in living my life the way I wanted. Living here in India and to earn money with respect. Although being very good in programming I never took Programming as a career because I felt it was an art and didn’t want to commercialize my skills. The people who went abroad are living a happy life. The programmers in India are earning huge amount of money and work in the day. I had a self esteem thinking that working in night doesn’t matter as I am living my life. I guess I had been short sighted as my life had to mix with another life who lives in day and is independent of me.

The introspection has crushed my pride. Earlier today, in the morning, when we went to temple, I saw one of our acquaintance along with his daughter meeting a senior Scientist in the defense. I heard that this Scientist used to recruit or provide people temporary jobs in Government services. I realized that I had missed a point. My dad had always been trying to persuade me in ‘joining the herd’ and I never listened to my parents always believing that I knew more than them. Had I listened to them, may be I would have been a much happier person than I am. My thinking has let me down.

I was unable to sleep as these thoughts were keeping me awake. I am not a Christian to go to Church and make a confession. My God is everywhere and I believe that confessing to you is confessing to the God in you. I guess now I can sleep properly with a lighter mind and with the new year coming, make newer resolutions to bring my life back to track. It’s never too late, I think!

At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I want to say that although I didn’t achieve my target financially, I am satisfied with myself. A burning desire in me wanted to leave the job and go on my own. In spite of reading positive attitude books, I never dared to take the step forward to risk my well chiseled career. The movie ‘Three Idiots’ sent a lot of messages. Message to parents about upbringing, message to students to be bold, message Educators to let the students churn their creative juices. One more message that it sent was – 20 years down the lane, you shouldn’t look back and grieve that though you had all the resources you never took the risk to take that one step. Apart from the disgusting attitude of my ex-manager, I was losing focus on work as I was spending much time speculating the market. Even in office I was chatting with my agents about the market rather than their performance. The final straw was that movie. After watching it a couple of times, I took time and finally reached a decision.

The reason why I say I am satisfied is, I avoided  the biggest failure in life – failure to try. If the world survives 2012 ( ) and if I live long enough to see my grandchildren in their senses, I can at least answer their question that, yes, I did something in life apart from living an ordinary life.

Coming to the future of this site, it was redesigned as a blog-site to document my day to day life as a day-trader. As I have continued so far in dragging this blog in spite of  leaving the day-trading, I will continue to blog – with a change though. I’ll stop the journal and concentrate on my views. As most of the day is spent in office and I cannot put everything that happens in the office on a public site, there is very less left for me to share. However, while on the way to office, during free time, on the way back home or even sitting on the toilet seat I think a lot. Think about politics, religion, philosophy or any other thing that passes my mind. All * those reflections will be posted here.

* Of course, conditions apply…lol